Police across six continents are
currently on the lookout for a band of desperate
musicians known as The Bail Jumpers.
These men are wanted for various offences against music, sheep worrying and stealing wigs from washing lines in Shaldon.
Despite the attentions of the Tax Office and the Serious Fraud Squad, The Bail Jumpers continue to inflict their unique brand of ‘Musical Entertainment‘ on the public. Their reputation is spreading across the West Country like galloping herpes.
Laughing off all attempts to either civilise or educate them, they still rely on alcohol and fart gags to get through the night. Occasionally bursting into vaguely recognisable songs, they bring their own brand of lunacy to your venue & these guys can murder any artist’s songs with pleasure…
A Rock & Blues covers band whose songs and influences are: Bad Company, Free, Kings of Leon, Rose Tattoo, Eric Clapton, The Monkees, Jimi Hendrix, Black Sabbath, AC/DC…
Other influences include: Jack Daniels, Whisky, Scrumpy, Dirty Women, Sheep, Burgers and people in daft Wigs!
Always out & up for fun…
Please buy them beer.
The Bail Jumpers are:
Mr Seamore Bush
Guitar: Wanted for riding a bicycle without lights, using a public lavatory without paying and stealing his brother’s sweets.
Bass Guitar: Quick biog here!
Johnny Stink Finger
Drums: Also currently playing with a Right Said Fred tribute group called Juice. Into Wifey’s tanning lotion?? (Please ask…) and a convicted clothes line commando.
Slippery Dick Scratcher
Lead Vocals: Tambourine, Djembe Drum and Triangle. Sex god, living legend, male model, international playboy (…and big time bullshitter!)
Should you be in the vicinity of any of their gigs and encounter these desperate individuals, please move to another venue for your own safety and inform your local music police.
However, should you be mad enough, they are available for bookings and tour with their own PA system. They are currently gigging around Devon, Cornwall & Somerset*, but will travel further afield… (or even to a field.)
*People in these areas should be on high alert, especially Sheep farmers & housewives on wash day!
Mori, the International Pollsters, recently asked a random selection of worldwide Newspapers and Magazines, one simple question:
“Please ask your readers, in one paragraph, what do they think of The Bailjumpers”?
Here are the survey results:
Rolling Stone Magazine; Lester Bangs “Tighter than a Camels arse in a sandstorm.”
Tiverton Gazette; “The Drummer don’t like rock buns you know.“
Hearing Aid Monthly; “They want to get their PA fixed!”
NME; “If Van Gogh was alive he would cut his other ear off.”
Melody Maker; “Fantastic…Great show as always… PS. This cheques OK isn’t it?
Mid Devon Farmers Weekly; “Who?”
Playboy; “Music’s great and the singer is amazing in bed!”
Plastic Surgeons Herald; “The drummer should pay us a visit.”
Gay Times; “We are devastated that Robbie the Rent-Boy left but, we suspect the new Bass player is one of us!”
The international Drummer; “I knew someone would end up with him”
Feminist; “We are not in the slightest bit interested in the bunch of Neanderthal men. Our sympathy lies with the lady who does their sound, keep your legs crossed Sister!”
The Devon Kneetrembler; (Underground Magazine) Deloris; honey trap editor: “Their singers voice made me moist!” Tell him I’ve just done the Blue stripe test and to get in touch, ASAP!”
Ann Summers Catalogue; “The Bailjumpers new Sax player is every women’s dream… when he takes a deep breath your eyes will water for 5 minutes solid!“
Tena Lady Support Magazine; “Along with Torquay VD Clinic & Captain Ahab’s Crab Ointment, we are proud sponsors of The Bailjumpers and suppliers of our product to their drummer. Great band.”
Exeter and District Model Railway & Train-spotters Magazine; “None of us have seen The Bailjumpers as their gigs always clash with the arrivals of both the Exmouth and Barnstaple Trains to St. David’s Station, but we know they are very good, as our Secretary; Seymour Bush is one of them and tells us so.”